Numbers 36:8: And every daughter, that possesseth an inheritance in any tribe of the children of Israel, shall be wife unto one of the family of the tribe of her father, that the children of Israel may enjoy every man the inheritance of his fathers.
A daughter of a tribe in the Israel who got an inheritance (land) was meant to marry only from the tribe of her father so that the land does not go from tribe to tribe.
From that it is assumed that when a woman marries, she becomes one with the man who is the head of the woman, in charge of the woman and whatever she has.
It follows with the order of creation. The woman was created after the man, and almost as an afterthought, when God was looking for an help fitting for the man (Genesis 2:17-3:10) and couldn’t found among all the created animals. The woman therefore exists in the context of the man and not vice-versa.
It is a disgusting thing when what a woman seeks in a relationship is the man that she can lead, that is malleable in her hands, someone she can bend to his will. It is that age-hold conflict between man and woman that first played out in the Garden of Eden when the woman assumed an opinion independent of the man and influenced the man negatively. It was the battle of wills.
Look at the way Michal the daughter of Saul and the wife of David spoke to the King after he danced unabashedly before God (2Samuel 6:16-23). She spoke to him as if he was meant to meet her expectations. Paul said the woman is made for the man and not man for the woman, just as Jesus said that man was not made for the Sabbath but the Sabbath for man.
It was not an error that in the analysis of things, the marriage situation, according to the bible is meant to mirror the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Imagine the church trying to bend the church to her will. That is not the order of things at all.
Between the man and the woman in a marriage relationship, submission is demanded from the woman. That is the order of things. When things are turned upside down, the head beneath and the leg up, there will be no movement and we have a recipe for disaster and unhappiness. The woman needs to allow the head to be the head, affirm the head as the head, and follow the lead as the head.
The reason for Jesus sending some letters some churches in the book of revelation was because the will of Jesus, the head of the church, was not being done, and he informed them of the dire consequences for that and the benefit of yielding to his will (Revelation 2-3).
While for the Christian marriage, divorce is not an option (Matthew 19:3-9), all care needs to be taken by both parties to recognise the order of things as laid down by God and ensure that boundaries are not crossed.
The boundaries of submission to the husband (1Peter 3:1-7, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:5) that God gives the woman should be seen as protection. That is the right perspective. And the one who breaks the edge the serpent bites (Ecclesiastes 10:8).
A successful marriage involves having the right understanding about it. Because we are three parts in one, we need to understand the realities that have to do with all our dimensions, in those three parts of spirit, soul and body (1Thessalonians 5:23). Marriage describes the deepest level possible union between two people. It involves our spirit, soul and body.
The ordinance of marriage, as God designed it, is kept when sexual activities are confined to marriage situations. When you have sex before marriage, which makes your marriage bed defiled (Hebrews 13:4) though you are yet to marry. However, there is forgiveness is in God. But be aware that the after effect, the residual guilt may still affect the enjoyment of relationship between man and woman.
We need to have a renewed understanding of how to appreciate our bodies in the marriage situation. That takes instruction but not pornographic instruction; it takes developing the right concept about sex and how it is not just permitted by God but commanded (1Corinthians 7:1-5), how it is sinful to deprive the other of your body. It is joyful and no shame at all. It is confirmed in the way God designed the body of the two sexes.
Marriage is between one man and one woman. A man, it is said: shall leave his father and mother and be cleaved to his wife and the two shall be one flesh. One flesh has a direct reference to the sexual experience. It is the ordinance of marriage, for sexual enjoyment to be solely in that context. There should not even be an hint of it in any other context.
The ordinance of marriage that describes oneness between a woman and a man also involved the soul. That is the friendship dimension, which is the oneness of will (direction), of emotion (peace) and of the mind (thought pattern). This takes time. But as it is written: the path of your marriage relationship should shine brighter and brighter unto the perfect day (Proverbs 4:18).
There is a spiritual purpose attached to each marriage. When God brings together two people who are his children, it is to enhance each other in their spiritual purposes. In the marriage situation, as you come closer to God, there should be a direct effect on your marriage; and when you come closer to your spouse that should enhance your spiritual effectiveness. The bible says that one shall come one thousand while two shall chase ten thousand (Deuteronomy 32:20).
Solomon wrote that if one lies alone, he will be cold, but warmth is received when they are two (Ecclesiastes 4:11). The reason God ordained marriage is for it to be a solution to loneliness. So it is contradictory for you to still feel lonely in your marriage. It is against the ordinance. There is no reason to experience spiritual isolation when you follow the ordinance of marriage.
When the relationship of Christ with the church becomes the template on which you base your marriage, it goes a long way to determine what happens sooner or later.
When the only example in your mind is that of your parent, then you are set up to repeat their mistakes. It is wrong to manage your affairs the way your parents did forgetting that what you are in a brand new situation that needs a brand new approach. You will be setting up yourself for frustration.
You cannot even look at the example of the first marriage in the world between Adam and Eve because that arrangement was faulty. But the relationship between Christ and the church, if that is the template in your spirit, then you are going to produce that in your reality. When that is your marriage ordinance, the marriage will be an enviable one, because it is the true ordinance of marriage.
- Christians and Marriage Law (pastorscottz.com)
- Why “Marriage Isn’t For You” Is Wrong (imsnowedin.wordpress.com)
- Should the Church ‘Get Out of the Marriage Business’? – The Gospel Coalition Blog (christianreasons.com)
- Marriage: United Under The Same Yoke (theyoungandrestlesscatholic.wordpress.com)
- Ordination and Marriage: Positions of Priviledge or Opportunities to Serve? (michaelwilliamsstories.wordpress.com)
- The Role of the Husband in the Chrisitian Marriage (drjosephdallende.wordpress.com)